The Things We Share

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This piece was first featured as a guest post on Victor’s Thought Process. I hope you enjoy it.

*•*•*

“…the season for kindling the fire of hospitality in the hall, the genial flame of charity in the heart…”

Rosa snapped out of her preoccupation. That was her young sibling reading about Christmas from a little red book. She sighed at the little boy’s naivety; who talks of charity when the situation is just a tad shy of poverty? The atmosphere is already abuzz with the jamboree, but market is still not moving.

***

“Ladies and gentlemen, kindly toss your bags, wallets, smartphones and other beautiful things on you to the front while you remain silent. The guns are real and loaded… but we’re nice.”

There was no objection; apart from the disobedient soft music that emanated from the blinking colourful lights that decorated the mart. The cashiers and shoppers did as told and were quickly relieved of all their valuables.

After years of dispossessing folks of their belongings, Jero and co.—a five-man robbery gang—understands the effectiveness of the combination of kind words and right amount of arms.

“Thanks people. You’ve been true to the season. It’s the time to love and share, right? We’re glad to help you fulfil your duties. Let’s do this again later.”

***

Charles moaned at the peak of his second wave of release; a mutual sensation he shared with Mrs. Coker—his paramour-cum-member of flock of two months and two years respectively.

While Mr. Coker—the politician and top donor in the church Pastor Charles shepherds—was busy generously tipping stakeholders and youths to cast their votes for him in the election, Charles was busy doing something similar: casting his votes in Mrs. Coker’s ballot box, which also doubled as Mr. Coker’s.

Charles attempted to give his usual post-coital mantra about their infidelity but Coker silenced him before he even began. She made him see reason, for the umpteenth time, why it was no big deal. He feeds her spiritually and she does the same, albeit physically. She was sure her husband was with Amara at about the moment.

“Relax man of God! Isn’t it the sharing season anyway?”

***

Jero strolled boisterously down Sekem street; the route he was now familiar with after his girlfriend Amara eloped with the politician. Scantily dressed ladies loitered the street that led to the popular hotspot; the happening zone widely called the Arena. He was shocked at the sight of lights that beautified the entrance to his destination.

“Na wa o. Even ashawo house sef dey get Christmas light! E be like say Brother Jerome go enter Rome tonight.” He smiled as he stared at the swell in his trouser; the device he proudly calls Brother Jerome, or Bros J.

Rosa caught Jero’s attention in no time, leaving Suzie–his regular customer who generously gave him discounts when he was broke–hanging, much to the dismay of the girls of the arena. One thing led to another and finally to a room that enclosed Rosa and Jero entwined in a roll, leaving no room even for the slightest rigmarole.

Rosa sighed in relief, market showed up after all.

***

“We all make mistakes and sin as we strive in our daily living, but the good news is that we can always run to the gracious One with the assurance of His forgiveness… if we are totally willing and determined to let go of the old ways. Today we celebrate the birth of the saviour that brought us this privilege…”

Charles delivered the speech as the congregation listened raptly. He cast a furtive look at Mrs. Coker who was tightly fitted beside her husband, slightly uncomfortable. The politician himself wasn’t so attentive at the moment; Amara was somewhere within the scope of his vision.

“…it is the season to love, to extend a helping hand to the less privileged and to share with open hearts…”

Chinedu stifled the mirth that swelled in him as the pastor spoke. Charles reminded him of the muezzin that wakes his neighbourhood every morning before preaching about love and sharing; a gesture he so well exemplified through coital sharing with the to-be bride of a member. He knew everything, from the Charles-Coker affair to the adventures of Mr. Coker with Amara; the erstwhile girlfriend of his gang leader.

Maybe the season is just so overrated, or abused. All he could see around him was a bunch of folks with laundries dirtier than his, yet putting up jolly façades and superficial benevolence. Even his landlord he gave the moniker “winch” would at least give him a smile, just before showing him the disaster la originale she’s made of.

It’s the sharing season after all!

The season preaches love and kindness, but the essence grows dim; it is outwitted by celebration, deceit and unfaltering crooked lifestyle.

Chinedu’s phone rang in a tone that echoed the voice of the patient madam in Aso rock. He smiled and mimicked, altering a part of the tone to suit the situation.

“Chai! All these things that we’re sharing…”

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17 thoughts on “The Things We Share

    topazo said:
    December 24, 2014 at 9:37 pm

    oh boy…you captured this very well. human beings are a dangerous lot…with all the hypocrisy and cloak and dagger stuffs

    Like

    zikaolofin said:
    December 25, 2014 at 1:13 am

    You, sire, are a storyteller extraordinaire. In a class of your own

    Like

      Adewoyin Joseph responded:
      December 25, 2014 at 12:03 pm

      Zika just flavoured my christmas! 🙂

      This coming from a beautiful writer like you means a lot. Thanks a lot.

      Liked by 1 person

    Walter said:
    December 25, 2014 at 7:26 am

    Diarris God o. lol.
    Nawa o. They say Christmas is the season of giving. But these characters are very generous. lol

    Like

      Adewoyin Joseph responded:
      December 25, 2014 at 12:11 pm

      LOL. Apparently they forgot to say the exact thing(s) to give and receive.

      Thanks for swinging by sir. Merry Christmas.

      Like

    HARD VOICES said:
    December 25, 2014 at 6:46 pm

    Whoever calls me humour merchant has never seen this. I laughed so hard rice entered my head. Talk about Bros J, nice robbers–‘the guns are real and loaded but we are nice’, ballot boxes stuffing and snatching. Lols. Joe, you are crazy! Thanks for making my Christmas.

    Liked by 1 person

      Adewoyin Joseph responded:
      December 25, 2014 at 9:31 pm

      LOL. Humour merchant is exactly what you are, I’m probably just like a tip compared to your iceberg. 🙂

      The kinda crazy is really nice! I think I should do the thanking, for spicing up yules for me with this comment.

      Merci bruvv.

      Like

    Yemie said:
    December 25, 2014 at 8:23 pm

    Wow! This is the bomb diggitty Jojo! A beautifully, insanely hilarious woven tale! I love how all the cross section of characters featured kinda became closely knitted and intertwined! That was spectacularly achieved and those names you coined up, ‘Arena’, ‘Rome’, amongst others ……..total crack-up! LWKMD!

    A season for sharing indeed, afterall; there’s love in sharing! I’m not so sure ’bout the ‘humane’, mighty courteous bandits, who ‘cajoled’ and ‘arm-twisted’ those poor folks into sharing though?! The horror! LMAO!

    We human beings are a very funny breed and most of us are darn right twisted in our ways of thinking! Well, I happen to be atop that list! God help us all! *sighs* Lol

    Way to go Jojo, one of your bestest effort yet! Keep pushing the boundaries dearie, you can only soar on up high from here on out! Respect! Mwah! LOL

    Like

      Adewoyin Joseph responded:
      December 25, 2014 at 9:40 pm

      If your way of thinking is what you call twisted, then it’s official: twisted is the new cool. 🙂

      I’m glad you like this. I’m more glad (or gladder… sounds cooler than “more glad” actually) you’re always there to give me the diggity motivations. You rock!

      Liked by 1 person

    Yemie said:
    December 25, 2014 at 10:11 pm

    Dang Jo! You don gon set me off and am blushing so darn hard! Whoa! *phew* LOL

    Thanks Joe for all times, you do rock so much more matter-of-factly! Hope you’re balling and enjoying yourself this yuletide season?! Happy Holidays Funnyman and compliments of the season too! God bless and keep you, amd may all your wishes come to fruition this season IJN, Amen! *hugs* LOL

    Like

    sheedart said:
    December 25, 2014 at 10:14 pm

    Hahaha… Really great piece with the connecting characters..

    “…the voice of the patient madam in Aso rock….” Ahaha dt got me..#subtle.

    Like

      Adewoyin Joseph responded:
      December 26, 2014 at 7:08 am

      *smiles* I know you’d agree with me, the madam is indeed patient.

      Glad you like this. Many thanks.

      Like

    damstylee said:
    December 26, 2014 at 11:04 am

    Human beings sha…. ‘The heart of a man is wicked’…
    These people and their sharing acts are quite outrageous though and you have captured it extremely well sir…. This was an awesome read Joseph… Compliments of the season,..

    p.s… I’m a big fan of Yemie’s comments… They get me everytime!

    Liked by 1 person

      Adewoyin Joseph responded:
      December 26, 2014 at 4:04 pm

      And Damystylee drops a comment! Thanks for reading and dropping this sir. Season greetings.

      I need to tell you a secret. *whispers* Yemie is very contagious and I’m not sure the cure would be discovered any time soon. I’m a big fan too… her juju (the Yemie-effect) is strong! Very strong.

      Liked by 2 people

        Yemie said:
        December 26, 2014 at 4:31 pm

        Jojo!!! All these secrets you’re SHARING ehn…..okay o! Diarris God sha! *laughing*

        Thanks a lot Joe, you on the other hand are more infectious! My word! *hugs* LOL

        Like

      Yemie said:
      December 26, 2014 at 4:24 pm

      HAw! Thanks so much Damstylee, you flatter the breaths outta me! I’m totally, deeply humbled and blushing up several storms! Thanks for plastering a humongous smile upon ma face and have you a very Happy Holidays! Compliments of the season to you and all of yours dear, God bless ya real good! *hugs* LOL

      Like

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