Duchess Of The Rings

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It’s late in the month of March in the year 2015. The weather is a little humid and Jonathan is still president. I can conveniently call myself an adult male, but I still don’t fully understand a few “basic” things. What’s the import of the situation report you ask. Chill. This will be brief.

But that’s not a promise.

There’s a difference between dog and dingo (maybe not as glaring as the difference between a cockerel and a broiler) and it doesn’t take understanding rocket science to know, but it’s never a crime if you don’t (lawyers, please cover me if I just lied).

Imagine walking down Thompson Street (go ahead and google the street, inquisitive chicken). You have no thoughts of work deadline making your heart beat rock and reggae concurrently, and your self-esteem cum confidence are really at the level that they should be —full.

Then it happened.

A beautiful daughter of Eve walked elegantly past you and you couldn’t help but to notice (you’re a handsome great grandson of Solomon after all). She walked gracefully and her gentle sashay gave you a vague idea of something you saw recently, but you couldn’t get a grip of it. She looked back at you, as if she could feel your eyes roaming her skin, especially at the area around her waist and a few staggering inches down; and then the eureka moment hit you: she reminded you of the newly married dapper wife of the handsome prince (make no mistake Challey, this is not a Ghollywood script).

Speaking of being married, you realized she could be already hooked to a fortunate Mr. Donald (Seriously? You’ll google him too?). Voices kept telling you to pursue and find out, for it would amount to letting the village witches prevail without stress if you assumed and let her go. What if she’s just so pretty but single like you? So you walked, determined steps after another, wishing it would be the last time your spontaneity in the art of pick-ups would be required.

A few inches away from her, something caught your attention. Pretty ma’am had all her fingers adorned with rings; sparkling rings that would make Frodo and Gollum scream “Our precious” at once. You’re an adult male but you still don’t fully understand a few “basic” things, like meaning of ring placement on different fingers of a lady, apart from the fourth finger of course. She didn’t stretch out her hand for your review (remember nail inspection on assemblies in secondary schools?), but you counted about two to three rings on one hand. You mouthed a subtle “Obaro Cheesox” unknowingly. How do you proceed from here?

You swallowed hard. Your cluelessness grew as the traditional Ndigbo flute started playing in your head, further increasing your confusion. The voices began to speak to you again, telling you how to proceed thence.

“She’s married… no she’s not, they’re just fashion rings,” a voice said.

“Oga you’re only single, not foolish too! Three fashion rings versus five fingers? Is she the duchess of the rings?” Another voice countered.

“You’re not seeing right. There are two rings, not three.”

“Are you drunk or just momentarily dumb? Do the Maths. Two or three fingers out of five, the probability that she’s married or engaged is high!” The educated mathematics-inclined voice finalized.

To approach, or not to approach? You asked yourself.

A fortnight ago you went after a young lady who you later found out was married with the “sharpest” tongue ever. Of course she didn’t call you a blind fool for making such move, she only shook the finger bearing her wedding ring before your face with the look-carefully-I’m-married attitude and then walked away muttering words that sounded Russian to your ears. Maybe she was in a bad mood. Maybe.

Quit the imagination and join me in reality bro. Will you advance against all odds to confirm her status, or move on and watch out for other free fingers? Ma’am, put yourself in bro’s shoes, what will you do?

I’m not sure what I’ll do, I only know it won’t be the former.

It’s in vogue; the fad as far as ladies are concerned. Question is: have we ever thought about the likely implications? I do not plan to argue in favour of a party or judge another, but I think it’s significant enough to be mentioned. Other growing trends include remaining single lady because marriage is overrated or independence is bliss; trooping to religious conventions (relax, I won’t write Shiloh here joor) for the gift, fruit or seed of a life partner; etc. I believe you can link the dots.

You want to rock the rings the way you like? That’s your prerogative. Attempting to point at the fallouts of rocking them in some ways? That’s my civic responsibility.

What do you think? Use the comment box for comments, corrections… and abuses. 🙂

I am @jossef69 on twitter.

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16 thoughts on “Duchess Of The Rings

    Yemie said:
    March 26, 2015 at 10:52 pm

    Duchess of the Rings?! Hahahahahaha! C’mon Joe, don’t be ridiculous, Jeez! *smh* Most of those rings are what I’d describe as ‘accidently on purpose’! Plus, those aren’t enough of a reason for you to beat a hasty retreat! So what, she’s rocking all sorta rings on every available surface ‘ringable’, Dude; take a chance and your luck might just be in! Quit quitting ‘Cold Turkey’, else at this rate, you’d remain single and not exactly ready to mingle! You know what I mean?! What’s the worst that could possibly happen?! She’d rebuff you and say ‘no, like duh’, you’d suck it up and then, its on to next! Good riddance to ‘bad ringy thingy rabbish’ abi?! LMAO!

    Wow! This got me laughing out loud! Love the glee and sheer playfulness of this highly humorous piece! Go for what you want Joe, ring or not and let her be the final judge! If you look closely enough, those rings are just ‘additions’ to complement and bring the whole look and ensemble together, so breathe will ya?! No long thing! LOL

    Thanks for sharing sweets, write and rock on! Deuces! *laughing*

    Liked by 3 people

      Adewoyin Joseph responded:
      March 27, 2015 at 7:29 am

      *Laughing in Swahili* So Yemie slapped the subject of the imagination, strangled him and kicked him out of the scene only to replace him with Joe. Beht why? Ki ni mo she, what have I done? 🙂

      Taking the chance with a lady shouldn’t be a very hard feat, but it’s still a fact that not all guys are “bold bold”. Can we change that? Nah! Now some ladies are gon’ be like “if he’s not bold then he doesn’t even deserve the cookie in the first place”. My response with a side eye: Really? There’s more to it than boldness alone.

      Sizzling comment. Thanks for this my dearest god-tibitibi, cold turkey loves you.

      Liked by 1 person

    Heedriz Depearl said:
    March 27, 2015 at 3:37 am

    It’s 4:22am here and I’m laughing out hard and loud. I’m sure my landlady would be calling the good name of the Lord as we speak. Really? Uncle Joe, really?!

    Ok, back to being #TheLoveDoc; it’s really of no importance to scan the fingers paapi. You succeeded in puncturing that confidence cellophane with a sharp knife of doubts.

    Yes, like you rightly pointed out, the fad is in vogue. Personally, I dig it. I mean that shii is cute if done right and I’m sure you’ll agree with me. But again, those rings ain’t the conventional wedding or engagement rings bro, they are thin, cute and ensnaring (goddess of the ring maybe!) especially when they are on fair, cute left hands.

    What are the odds she’s married or engaged? We never have to bother about the statistics. Just like the previous encounter, they’ll gladly tell us. At what cost? Dang! We can live with it!!

    Personally, what I cannot live with is the thoughts of what could have been. Hey! That shii kills, especially when the daughter of Eve in question keeps visiting your dream.

    Wheew! *simmering down* My point here is, we never really know hafar until we scratch the surface.

    My only turn off in this encounter would have been a poor linguistic and speaking prowess. Apart from that, darn the rings and her RS! :p

    Thompson street? Ok! Hey, does she have a diastema too?! *drooling*

    Liked by 2 people

      Adewoyin Joseph responded:
      March 27, 2015 at 7:49 am

      LOL. The subject of the imagination must have been really served in the previous encounter, plus he does not really have in-depth knowledge of rings (your propensity for the rings and fingers is “top-notch” from all indications). I agree with you, scanning the fingers for a ring is a major move in destroying the confidence (cellophane-knife analogy; nice one there). We’ll rather tumble while trying than walk away with mental pictures of how cute the “union” could have been.

      I thought you are only “nevisexual”, in your own word, didn’t know you’re also in the league of diastema lovers. I am a fellow, I’ll expect your subscription fee later in the day. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

    mercurialpinky said:
    March 27, 2015 at 7:12 am

    Loool! Ok me been trying to get my boos attention all morning and he is busy doing all his search on todays headlines and Economy blabla. Mchewwwwww so I decide to read duchess of the rings and I’m all ROFLMAOo,finally got boos attention “Share the joke now” he said ,trust me to do my pay back. I love this piece cos it made me laugh hard. And I totally agree with Yemie nd Heedriz.

    Liked by 2 people

      Adewoyin Joseph responded:
      March 27, 2015 at 7:58 am

      *smiles* Most times, the headlines are just what a man needs to start a day (not encouraging recently though).

      Yemie and Heedriz are gurus in their respective fields, I get and love their drifts so well!

      I’m glad you love this, thanks a lot. Belated birthday wishes ma’am Jolade. (Yes, Joe knows 🙂 )

      Like

    Lizzy Chile said:
    March 27, 2015 at 9:51 am

    *sneaking around* hahahahahahahahaha! must get my sister to read this piece too! bet Adewoonyi! never knew u to be a turkey farh! and a cold one at that!

    *singing* when will you marry, this year, next year, or never….

    #ok bye & back to work

    Like

      Adewoyin Joseph responded:
      March 27, 2015 at 10:15 am

      LOL. Lizzie, of course not! You know being turkey isn’t an option, except it’s alive and grooving. Yemie was only trying to implicate me.

      *check mic one two!* *singing* …iyeeeyeeye! The plan is to get married soon; working on the wherewithals… (Whizkid sef go fear my iyeeeyeeye). Not rushing, not gawking. It’s gon’ happen when it’s gon’ happen.*winks*

      Thanks Liz, I’d like to hear from your sis.

      Like

    HARD VOICES said:
    March 31, 2015 at 2:42 am

    Read this on Saturday, at my polling unit and was chuckling sheepishly to the glare of voters, agents, observers and the merciless sun!

    Woke up on Sunday, typed a long comment, sent, she hung; refreshed herself then said, please type a comment. I died.

    Resurected after 2days, here I am. Joe, you are crazy! Personally, I don’t look for rings. I look shape, curves and face, then make for my bow and arrows. Never knew girls carry assortment of rings in their ‘packate’ of fingers. Shrugs. Not that it would’ve discouraged sombori, if I like you I try my luck. The worse you will do is say mba. If you try something cheeky…

    I rest my case. (Don’t wanna do a long o)

    Liked by 1 person

      Adewoyin Joseph responded:
      March 31, 2015 at 5:11 am

      Ahahaha! Somebody please do me a CPR! I just fainted.

      My craze is still evolving; it’s  yet to earn me a spot in your league. 🙂

      I believe you’re a focused man Kings. The moment you fix your eyes on the face, shape  and curves (the trio have a way of talking to us at a subsonic level, telling us words like “Bia, look closer. Don’t even blink…”) the fingers automatically fall into your blind spot as you leap into the “hunting mode”.. We all should learn from you.

      You went through a lot to write this. Thanks for the gesture chief, your “short” is equally nice.

      Liked by 1 person

    topazo said:
    April 1, 2015 at 10:30 am

    This is very hilarious!
    I love the style of writing, it was on point.
    Guy, it is not advancing to make a move that will haunt you. But I understand that repeated bashing especially one as recent as two weeks could have made a huge dent on the ego.
    “If a hunter fears not catching the prey and stays in his lair, then he will have to answer the door when hunger knocks” Aristotle 34BC

    Liked by 1 person

    Adewoyin Joseph responded:
    April 2, 2015 at 7:49 pm

    LOL. Aristotle is in your *one chance”.

    Ideally, I should break kola nuts for you and serve ’em with cold palm wine for the proverb, as an elder that you are. 🙂

    It feels good when Sir Topazo himself says he loves one’s style… flabberwhelming! Euphorically cocooning! (I really have no idea what that means).

    Thanks chief.

    Like

    Tolulope John said:
    April 4, 2015 at 8:31 pm

    *winks** ,followed by a stern look. You should have satisfied your ‘hungrous’ curiosity by making the move jare.

    Your write up is sweet jare say for that bitter stepping back, at least you would have gotten an umpteenth NO…ahhh..its even the second time sef.

    Tell us other factor that made you flee jare aside from the rims,ohhh rings…Mr duke of the suits.

    Liked by 1 person

      Adewoyin Joseph responded:
      April 7, 2015 at 6:03 am

      🙂 Sir Duke of the agbádá, you sure have joined the league of implicators, uh?

      For you to have asked for another factor I’m sure you’ve seen a big picture I couldn’t or haven’t seen.

      Oya let’s turn this around on you. From the way you’ve imagined it, what else d’yu think could’ve made the subject of the imagination flee? 🙂

      Thanks for dropping by bruvv.

      Like

        Tolulope John said:
        April 7, 2015 at 10:31 am

        Lol @ subject of the imagination??? huh? ,twas obviously you now!!!
        Well,you didn’t state if you were sweating like an easter ram due to obalende’s scorching sun and you eventually noticed that one of the rings actually houses the key to her classy wheels….while you are already thinking of the two gala and lacasera that would do the job while you are manning the owner’s corner of danfo..
        Also you didn’t state if she was two teeth short when you beheld her…thanks for hiding under the rings and not exposing her short comings…
        JUST IMAGINING NI OOO..
        You can help out,but I assure you, my intuitions are always right……

        Liked by 1 person

    Adewoyin Joseph responded:
    April 7, 2015 at 6:51 pm

    In a way, I think you’re right. Being the one behind the imagination I shared, you can as well make me the “Duke of the rings”.

    What if I was walking towards my Venza somewhere down Thompson street with no thought of gala and lacasera whatsoever on my mind?

    It’s high time we shut your intuitions in a bottle of Viju milk and did something about your imagination. 🙂

    Thanks again!

    Like

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