Musings: My Top Ten

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Writing a new year good wishes at this time seems like something most people won’t do (seeing that the year is not so new anymore), but I guess it’s either this scribbler isn’t really like most people or something is not entirely right. I’m more comfortable with the former.

This is several weeks overdue, but I’ll go on regardless and wish readers a wonderful and fruitful new year and new month. On the bright side, I got the opportunity to wish you on the double, probably better than the “gyn-ish” double the Eritrean government supposedly has to offer.

By now, resolutions that would really stay will be in motion already, while the other resolutions―those guidelines for the first few days/weeks of the year that usually fade away with the frenzy―would have met their usual fate: total abandon, or if you like, calamitous waterloo (I miss Honorable Patrick Obahiagbon).

In my defense for my one-month long hiatus post- last post (pardon that combo), I’ve been doing a little reading on the blog, trying to figure the major glitches that caused the bad market last year. Okay, scratch that. That was me being dramatic.

So far, it’s been a long interesting read. I think I found a bit of what I was looking for, in addition to the typos and omissions of course. Some of the posts made me laugh and got me asking myself what I was thinking when I wrote them. I marveled at the experiences I never thought I could share but did. A few were products of testing new waters; attempts at new style/genre. I still can’t pinpoint the ghost readers or send them a little dose of insomnia until they comment and share, but I can do my part and see where it goes from here.

In no particular order, below are my top favorite posts I’ll like you to check:

Dear Future Bae
Sour-prano Untamed
The Judge Next Door
The Things We Share
Client X: The End of Me
Knocked Out
The Things in Your Heart
A Tale of Sevens and Perfection
Sow a Seed
Life Drama

I would love to start the year with your feedback on these posts or any other post that interests you. Perhaps this would help identify a niche or two that should get more devotion.

This is me grinning in anticipation that you’ll read and say what you think.

I am @jossef69 on twitter.

photo credit: google images

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Dear Diary: Day 365

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Empty white space.

That’s all I see trying to write this. I’ve been here for several minutes staring at the blank space, as though forces unseen are in control of my fingers, preventing me from striking a letter.

But I dared them already. You see, I struck the first letter D.

I don’t exactly know where to start, but looking back at the several lines so far I think I have started.

It’s the last day of the year; lots of days since I did something like this. This won’t be a transcript of a 365-day journey, but you’ll get the point. I hope so.

I apologize for my inconsistencies and fizzling on the blog this year. I got the WordPress annual report for the year and I was ashamed! I mysteriously grew a thick skin to post notifications of blogs I follow; erstwhile constant reminders of my inactivity on the blogosphere. Regardless of the fact that I wrote more this year like I set out to, I had to choose between blogging and another form of writing. It was a Hobson’s choice and I had to go all the way with the latter. It dawned on me that I miss the wonderful readers and their comments, more than I miss writing on the blog itself.

Speaking of the blog and awesome readers, I almost lost one―not to death―around the last quarter of the year. I got so carried away with “things” that I became unaware I was passing the wrong clues. The proverbial blow that broke the camel’s back was a strange attitude, or rather, negligence that became a part of me under the guise of being busy. I would miss calls, get pings and texts and then promise to respond when I’m free, only for me to get the freedom and never fulfill my promise. I automatically got sobriquets with “pride” as root-word from some, and a surgical unfriending and unfollowing from others. I blame no one else but me. That wasn’t my real face o, and I am sincerely sorry. I learnt my lesson and I know it won’t recur.

The year came and went so quickly (I remember the first few days of the year like they weren’t so far away), but that’s just an illusion informed by how great or otherwise the year has been for respective individuals. Mine was nimble-toed because despite the little bumps, it was a smooth ride: no accidents, hospital admissions, unfortunate events even in strange lands, etc. Many thanks to the Gracious God for life and for the gifts and privileges, even though we often classify them into categories of basic/general/simple blessings and major/customised blessings; usually taking the former for granted. Sometimes when we have a piece of a thing we ask why we don’t have a truck full instead, despite the efforts we put in. Surprisingly, we usually forget that breathing for just another day automatically qualifies us for greater things.

I’m grateful for my friends, colleagues and family; their micro soft words of encouragement and punchy power points that nudge one to excellence. Life would appear in monochrome without them, I’m sure of that.

I did things I never thought I could do or be trusted with at the time this year. The saying that we don’t know how much we can do until we’re thrown to the deep end held true for me, and I appreciate the opportunities. Borrowing an expression from a blogger friend, Monsieur Kingsley, you never really know how long you can hold on until you find yourself dangling between the devil―or the blue sky―and the red soil.

I was constantly reminded this year that I have grown and qualified for some feats and milestones; but the year also reiterated the fact that there are no strict rules, and that being ready to pick up the mantle is a great prerequisite to shouldering responsibilities. I have not leaped, but I have moved and I am thankful for the pace and the many lessons therein.

Contrary to the opinion of some friends, and their attempts to convince me otherwise, this year buttressed the fact there are no straight answers to most questions. Many opinions/ideologies will not withstand 365 days split to three, and obvious can sometimes double as oblivious. The lady/gentleman that got you humming Titanic’s theme song at first sight may turn out to be a zonkey and the end of you. A simple answer to a seemingly simple question can haunt you for a year or for the rest of your days. You can hate and then love a thing within a month, and the shift will be lost on you. Sometimes, there is a third option after yes and no, and it’s your prerogative to state what it is. Think hard before you make major decisions and say huge pronouncements. Matter of fact, never say never!

Among other things, this year has taught me that:

  • opportunities can find you in boxers and no shirts, when you least expect one;
  • love can creep up on you at any time or place (cupid won’t send you a memo);
  • you’ll always find a flaw if you won’t stop scrutinizing;
  • things can go all the way down south even when you think you’ve got it all figured; and
  • death can knock on anyone’s door; keeping it locked out won’t be an option.

I don’t have a list of strict to-dos or resolutions, as people are wont to draw one at this time of the year. I’m aware that there are lots of things to do and improve on, but I will take things easy, one step at a time, poco a poco. I will enjoy life, laugh out loud, get down to business and ditch the cutlery sometimes, cry if the movie/story is too touching/emotional and laugh at the cry-cry chicken, keep 69 as my favorite number combo even if the world finds it mundane, try new things… live, love and learn.

Thanks for a great 2015.

2016_Happy New Year (SJB)
Bonne année! Bonne santé!!








photo credit: google images

I’m jossef69 on twitter

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Knocked Out

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I could open this post by giving a trite but dramatic “happy new year” followed by many good wishes, but seeing as that would be tantamount to saying opening prayer when it’s already time for benediction, I’ll save myself the disgrace and wish y’all greatness within myself. May we never run out of fishes to fry nor lose our certificate(s) to the utmost mockery of our enemies.

Of course, I’m murmuring the above within myself.

Many thanks to everyone who took time to go through my scribbles in times past despite my shortcomings and inconsistencies; it’s a great honour to have you. To ghost readers who stroll in for a peep like the biblical thief in the night (most thieves get caught eventually you know?), God is watching you. And Amadiora too. Thank you…but you must repent. 🙂

Hearty “shout salute” to avid commenters; the core to my reactor and source of immense encouragement. Leonardo Da Vinci must have really understood the importance of feedback before he wrote this: You have not farted if nobody grumbled nor contorted their face upon your gaseous release. Totally, I concur! I appreciate y’all. I hope it turns out to be a year of great and concentrated releases from SJB.

Here’s a little something I wrote late last year, featured on Elsieisy’s blog. Grab a bottle of coke or sorrel and enjoy.


A soft voice reached me from a distance, though not strong enough to bother me. I was in a state that felt great, but I couldn’t describe it. The voice got louder and harsher as a masculine voice chipped in an inglorious roughness, dragging me from my unknown state to what I later realised was consciousness.

“Damn! I did it again.”

Two days earlier I had slept off in a car en route to work. The driver I told my destination upon getting on-board had taken me several bus stops away from my stop, making excuses that he asked me but I didn’t answer. I believe people reason and talk in their sleep in his village.

I sat up as my tired eyes fixated on the source of my disturbance-cum-saving grace. The last time I checked, I was in a bus with five passengers. I must have dozed for so long, for the bus had filled up and almost at my destination.

“Madam, take it easy.”

A man likely in his forties said calmly in an apparent attempt to settle the ongoing vituperative exchange between a woman and another man; a well suit-ed man for that matter.

I wasn’t interested. I’d experienced a lot to last a lifetime in bus rides—from terror-voiced singing passenger to four full hours of chronic beansy farts endurance from an obvious source, to a preaching driver who paused intermittently to call for passengers, etc. Experience has taught me that such dramas are often not worth the effort of thinking them through. They are best enjoyed than understood.

I turned from them, but the Judas Iscariot ears I posses wouldn’t turn with me.

“Stupid woman! You have no respect. I wonder what you do to your husband at home…” He vented.

“I wonder what unfortunate woman married an insane man like you. Tragedy!” She parried.

I didn’t look back but I knew her counter crawled up his spine and sank into his brain. A rough scuffle ensued, but a familiar calm voice came in again.

“You two should stop this. You’re grown-ups. Woman…” he called with a bit of an elevated pitch, like he had some control over her, “…it’s time you kept quiet for good. I mean it.”

It worked like magic; I almost requested for a bit of the juju. She muted, but her fellow-in-dispute took it as the beginning of his victory. I had a feeling doom lurked in the boot for him, but he spilled more invectives like it was expedient for a promotion at work. He raved and dropped the thick one that broke the proverbial camel’s back—or nose.

“Woman, I’m not so worried about your insanity. From all you’ve been saying I’m sure you married someone like you; someone equally supercilious and condescending.” He paused, probably in admiration of his vocabulary. I wondered what the matter had to do with the husband. “Get home soon, woman, and let your irresponsible numbskull of a husband know how sick you are.”

She broke her silence and replied curtly, in an unbelievable low voice, “You can tell him yourself.”

Action flew first class.

Something cracked. It was more of a snap. It seemed as though the human nose is plastic like people say after all. Much as I tried to think otherwise, I knew it wasn’t just a crack of the calm mediator’s phalanges upon his fisty impact on someone else’s face—the face of a familiar man in suit. Something else definitely got broken.

I missed the action, but not everything it left in its wake.

Blood trickled down the nose of a corporately dressed owner even as he attempted to help his distressed organ with his hands, letting out grunts in pain. His vituperation-laden mouth contorted with confusion. I pondered as the dots connected before me.

Mediator was madam’s numbskull.

I am @jossef69 on twitter.

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The Nomination

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It was on a beautiful cold morning. Nah, make that three beautiful cold mornings. The weather was breezy and the sky azure…

Biko who send me story? *smiles*

About a week ago I got a shocker from a wonderful mind and blogger, Sheedart. I was still in that state of mild electrocution when I got another zap by a very revered blogger, Topazo. Recently, Zika shocked me the most! (I’m a secret admirer of her art, don’t tell nobody).

Senor Joe’s Blog was nominated for Lobsters Award!

Oh shoot! I made the mistake again! I mean SJB was nominated for Liebster Blog Award.


Dumbfounded is just a little close to how I felt. It got me “flowing” like Divine Oduduru.

I was like…


I never expe-rred it!

“…God gave it to me!  I’m grateful to Him…. although the wind was very muwsssh!”

I could go on and write a piece just to tell all what these people do with their respective arts, but it won’t make them more awesome than they already are. Besides, I fear the blogger ma’am, Sheedart–who strikes me as a romantic *coughs*–could be prone to beet-red kinda blushing. I’m sometimes allergic to red. 🙂

Thanks for the nomination. Thanks for the honour!

The basic rules are as follows:

*Acknowledge the person(s) that nominated you.

*Answer the questions asked by the blogger(s) who nominated you.

I’ve got three sets of questions to answer here (this should qualify me to at least have triplets twins with bae in the future, right?), but the spirits told me there will be similar questions.

*Nominate other blogs with less than 200 followers.

The third rule is quite simple, but I won’t follow it to the letter. Matter of fact I won’t follow it at all!

*Ask the bloggers you have nominated eleven (11) questions.

*Let your nominees know you have nominated them.

*Add the Liebster award badge to your blog.

Here are the questions and my answers. The madams go first.

Sheedart’s questions:

When and why did you start blogging?

SJB would have been in existence for two years in the next three weeks. Yeah, it all started on the 19th day of January 2013.

I started blogging because facebook (then) wouldn’t allow me express myself satisfactorily; I was always exceeding the word/character limit. I wrote a couple of facebook notes just before I “PORTed” to wordpress dot com.

What inspires your writing?

Anything and everything! A school of thought believes that means nothing though, I disagree. You get the drift.

What or who could stop you from blogging ever again?

Busy life schedules could be a threat, but I won’t give in very easily.

Would you rather read a book or watch a movie?

Assuming that they carry the same weight, a movie I shall watch! After all, a movie is a book in motion/on screen.

What is your most awesome/proud moment? Share if you will.

Quite a difficult one with the ranking. A moment involved helping someone out of a dire strait. I’ll write about it someday, perhaps.

If you had the opportunity to choose the country to be born in, would you still choose Nigeria? If not which will you choose and why?

Who does this?! Sheedart, you seriously asked the obvious? Without being hypocritical, following the crowd or embracing BS, I won’t. I’ll choose Iraq or Pakistan because I’m a rational human being! Seriously now, Iceland sounds cool in my ears. It’s my choice ‘cuz I love ice :). I think you know the exact reason actually.

If you could change one thing about the world, what would it be?

I’ll effect a change towards achieving equality among all, to a very great extent but not absolutely. Absolute equality is also a problem.

Where do you see yourself in ten years?

Now I feel like I’m in a job interview session *straight face*. I’m not clairvoyant or psychic so it’s kinda hard to be precise here… but I know where I wanna be, God helping me. I wanna be already well-placed in my career; a very good son to Ma’ and Da’; a responsible husband to my wife and father of my twins and erm… never mind. I wanna be lots of good things beneficial to those around me.

What is the first thing that would likely attract you to a potential friend?

You want the truth or the near-truth? Character and all the abstract stuffs can’t be assessed quickly, good looks can. If the dude is good looking or the babe is…you know, Joe is more inclined to bond quickly. Judge me and call me names my pastor won’t like o, I just told you the truth.

What do you think of the blogger who nominated you?

One of the attracting things about her is her style of writing. She writes freely. Sheedart is quite a liberal and funny ma’am too; her blog reeks of these. Thanks for nominating SJB, I really appreciate it.

Zika’s questions:

What inspired your writing?

Methinks we’ve addressed this. 🙂

What do you think about writing as a way of expression?

It’s one of the best free gifts ever! It’s that mighty voice in prints (often deeper than spoken words because more time is invested), even when the individual behind the pen or idea ordinarily wouldn’t be very articulate through some other means.

Which is your favourite kind of music?

I’ve got quite a handful, depending on the version of me in question. Pop/Soul. Other stuffs that make me wanna dance real hard too.

If you could change one moment in time, which would it be?

Adam shouldn’t have eaten that apple! I’d gladly go back in time to that moment and murder a serpent. I’ll try not to make any apple juice.

What makes you happy?


Sir Topazo’s questions:

What made you start writing?

The yearning to let out my thoughts, imaginations… and share the fun.

Who is your favourite author?

Really, I think I’m too adventurous to have something like favourite or best. I love a lot of different stuffs.

Early bird or night owl?

Both. Praying for a moderately long life span.

E-books or paperbacks?


Mountain or Beach?

My acrophobia has a PhD! Beach it is.

What project are you working on?

It’s a matter national security. I’ll have to kill you if I tell you.

What are your plans for your writing in 2015?

This is fast becoming a cliché, but in my case I mean it. I don’t really see myself as writer (I believe it takes more than having a blog and writing stuffs on it to be one). However, I enjoy blogging with its attendant fun and therapy. I’ve got no big plan, besides trying to update often.

Favourite relaxation spot?

As of this moment my bedroom has no rival. There are lots of relaxations that can be done in that space of mine.

Share something embarrassing about yourself.

I found a way to evade this :). Will I share something embarrassing about myself? I’m not sure I will. So you wanted to know if I snore or lick my thumb? LOL

Favourite colour?

The fiftieth shade of grey. 🙂

White and blue are perpetually in fisticuffs on that. I hope one wins soon.

What do you fear most in the whole wide world?

Ojuju! Yes, Ojuju Calabar :). I kid.

The idea of leaving when I’ve actually not started or achieved my purpose scares me shitless.

Topazo didn’t ask me of my opinion about him regarding blogging, but I’ll visit it anyway. Who’s suing?

I think he is one of the very versatile bloggers I’ve come across. He chose prose over poetry in a question about his choice between the two, but I think he should’ve just packed the two, look Amity straight in the eye and say “I’m walking away”. He should force it out in Craig’s voice if he could. Thanks for the nomination Doc.

I finally get to nominate! Here:


Here are my questions. Feel free, no negative marking please.

  1. Who inspired you to start blogging?
  2. What inspires your writing?
  3. If you were asked to choose a song for a loved one (boyfriend, girlfriend, fiancée, spouse, etc.), which one would you choose to pour out your emotions aptly?
  4. What’s your take about love?
  5. What’s your dream travel destination?
  6. What is the first thing that would likely attract you to a potential friend?
  7. Poetry or prose and why?
  8. In one word, how would you describe your first kiss (I believe you’ve had one)?
  9. If you had one wish, what will you wish for?
  10. What do you do for leisure?
  11. Are you sincere in all the above ten (10) questions? 🙂

Season greetings everyone!

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